Now you have to pay council tax and shell out a fiver for every drink, you’d kill to have those student problems back…
1. Getting up for 9am seminars. Oh, the pain.
9am. NINE AM.
These days you drag yourself out of bed every day at half 6.
And at the weekends you sadistic body clock says “MOWHAHAHA” leaving you wide awake at 6.30am even though all you want to do is sleeeeeeep.
2. Filling in the Council Tax exemption form. EFFORT.
Getting that evidence together when you had super important stuff to do – like, go to the Willow – was SUCH a drag.
But now you have to PAY Council Tax (oh, really, the pain) you wonder how you could have been such an objectionable human being just a few years ago.
3. Reading SO MUCH
“Oh my god, I’ve read a WHOLE book today. SUCH a tough day.”
What you would give to have time to read ONE chapter these days.
You will probably never have time to read a whole book again in your entire life – let alone in one day.
4. Having to pay for drinks when it wasn’t student night
The idea of paying £3 for ONE DRINK sickened you – one quid pints only please.
These days any drink that costs less than a fiver is cause for celebration (another round!)
And at the end of every month your bank sends you a letter full of negative numbers and you feel more sickened that you ever did as a student.
5. Student Loans Company
They were the bane of your life. They got everything wrong (they really did).
You had to wait, literally, days on the phone to talk to them. Bitching about them was a universal student hobby.
But y’know what, they still put a massive chunk of £££ in your bank at the start of every term. FOR FREE!
If someone offered to fill up your bank account 3 times a year for free now would it even cross your mind to MOAN?
Hell no, we’d be thanking them until we fainted!
6. Not having enough time
“My essay is due in TOMORROW! Where has all the time gone??”
Well, student, you gave a lot of it to the Willow Disco, and…
These days if you have a moment of free time (about once a decade) you jump with excitement and think, “Ooo I’ll do some laundry, then I can wear that nice top I bought 6 months ago. If it’s not gone mouldy.”